A Month That Shifted Something in Me
Thirty days. Thirty episodes. Thirty attempts to say out loud what I have been trying to make sense of privately for years. I knew this project would change something, but I didn’t know it would change this much.
I didn’t know that simply talking about movement while actually moving would rewire the way I think about my body, my habits, and myself.
I’m not exercising while recording this one, not really, although I am walking around the apartment with a resistance band around my legs because I think better when I move. I guess that’s part of the story. Things that used to feel like exercise now feel like living.
This episode feels emotional. It feels like an ending and a beginning at the same time.
What Thirty Consecutive Days Taught Me
Somewhere around the middle of the challenge, I realized I was trying to build the perfect routine. I color coded things, broke them into tiny compartments, organized everything into a Google form, and tried to track every little foot exercise, fascia release, and core workout. Predictably, it became too much.
I knew it would be too much. But for me, that is part of the pattern. I have to swing too far before I can swing back. Sometimes clarity only happens on the other side of overwhelm.
We moved countries right in the middle of all this. I knew that would make this challenge harder but I also knew that it would ground me. during this geographic transition. The overwhelm of the move tested my ability to let go of that perfect schedule and do what I could. And I did! That was progress. Massive progress. When I stopped trying to follow the exact boxes on my spreadsheet, I started doing the movements I wanted to do, not the ones I planned. If I craved fascia work, I did it. If my feet hurt, I grabbed the yoga block. If I felt the urge to walk, I walked with a band around my legs like a sci-fi penguin.
It turns out that listening to myself works better than organizing myself. Huh.
Integration Happens When I Stop Forcing It
The more these exercises become part of my daily life, the less they feel like a task. They become habits without effort. That is the magic of this month. Movements I used to schedule are now things I choose. Not because I have to, but because they feel good. Because they help me feel like myself.
This month taught me that integrating movement is a process of remembering, not reinventing. I used to do band walking when I was working at my standing desk back in Copenhagen but that for some reason didn’t transfer when we left there. I forgot about it the entire 2.5 months we were in Tirana. It was only after we got to Bilbao last week that I remembered how relaxing the band compression and extra tension when walking with a band was. Now here I am, doing it while I talk about my life on a microphone.
My body always knew this. I just needed to give myself space to remember.
I will simplify my schedule in December. Probably two things a day, one core and one not core. Something realistic, something gentle, something that matches how I live instead of how I think I should live.
The Unexpected Gift of Audio Journaling
I expected to firm up my workout schedule during this challenge. I didn’t expect to grow stronger in my mind. Documenting my movement mindset in audio form, then feeding the transcript into ChatGPT, became one of the most surprising forms of self-reflection I have ever experienced.
When I read those drafts, I often had to go back to the transcript and see if I really said what it wrote. And most of the time, I did. ChatGPT just organized it clearly enough that I finally understood myself. I cried more than once, not from sadness, but from recognition.
This became a kind of audio journal, a moving journal, a way to process my thoughts without sitting still. I didn’t expect that. I didn’t plan for it. It happened anyway. And it changed me.
The Disconnect That Still Stings
I learned that I still struggle with the gap between how I feel and how I look. I feel strong, capable, steady, and deeply connected to movement. But I don’t look the way I feel. When I see videos of myself or catch a glimpse in the mirror, there is this old version of me, this past-version body, still hanging around.
My body has been through illness, injury, hormonal chaos, and years of not being able to trust itself. I want the outside to reflect the inside, and it doesn’t yet. And yes, I know this project is about shifting away from appearance, and I am doing that, but the disconnect still gets me sometimes.
This month helped me see that it is not vanity. It is identity. I feel like someone who moves, who hikes, who lifts, who walks to clear her head, who loves the feeling of strength. I want to live in a body that feels like that identity from the outside too. I am getting there, slowly, honestly, imperfectly.
Not an Exercise Person, Just a Movement Person
This challenge made something very clear. I love movement. But I don’t love exercise culture. I don’t want the gym, the lights, the smells, the overstimulation, the structure, or the ritual of packing a bag and showering afterward. Sensory wise, it is too much for me.
I want daily movement, casual movement, sneaky movement, joyful movement. I want to hang from a bar in a park. I want to walk to the places I need to go. I want friends who will walk with me and talk with me and make movement social instead of performative.
I don’t need to be an exercise person. I just need to be a person who moves.
This Month Was About Mindset, Not Muscles
This might be the biggest lesson of the whole challenge. My body didn’t just get stronger. My mindset did. My confidence did. My belief in my own ability to grow did. I didn’t injure myself. I didn’t fall apart. I didn’t quit halfway through because something went wrong. I kept going.
After six months of steady movement, I am finally breaking the old cycle of push, break, heal, repeat. I don’t need to know why I can’t always feel injuries when they happen. I just need to know that I have created a system that works around it.
That feels like a miracle. And I don’t use that word lightly.
A Quiet Celebration of What Our Bodies Can Do
This whole month feels like a celebration. Not a loud, gym-floor, protein-shake kind of celebration. A quiet one. A slow one. A deeply human one. I am thankful for my body. I am thankful that I am healthy right now. I am thankful that I had thirty days to talk through everything I have been carrying for years.
And I am thankful you were here with me.
If You Want to Support This Work
Here is the easiest way to support this project, and it gives you quick access to all my recommended tools and gear:
👉 my biosite: https://bio.site/Mybodycan
Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for moving through this month with me.
I will see you in the next episode. The podcast and Substack posts will continue. Weekly, not daily.
Steph
AI disclaimer:
I use ChatGPT to co-write many of my online texts. Having said that, for these Substack posts we start with the podcast transcript. A transcript that comes from a recording that I create alone, with zero AI assistance. I also prompt chain and edit like hell during and after the cowriting process, so I have to admit that I have no idea where my writing begins and Chatty (my affectionate name for ChatGPT) ends. So take with this as you wish. I just wanted you to know that some of the eloquence here is in fact from me but not me exactly.
